Q: What can the wife do to her abusive husband?
I had some further questions regarding your fatwa about marriage in Islam. Please find below the question.
In your answer you have mentioned that men have a stronger sexual desire that’s why women are obliged to answer but men also have to fulfill their obligation. My question was even if a man DILEBERATELY doesn’t satisfy his wife or doesn’t give her rights she still cannot disobey him or refuse to share his bed. I know Islam orders men to treat women kindly but there are good and bad people in every society and it seem there is very less protection for women against bad people.
Husband has so much control or his wife life that it makes it very easy to abuse it. It seems that Islam stance on marriage for women is if she gets a bad man as a husband then hard luck only when things become unbearable she can ask for divorce. I know divorce by a man for no legitimate reason is disliked and discouraged but from what I have read it certainly cannot be prohibited as reading fatwas from your site you have mentioned Hazarat Hassan Bin Ali use to divorce lot of women and from what I have read he married 70 women. Hazarat Ali disapproved of it but didn’t stop his son doing that. If it was prohibited he would have stopped him and he would have certainly obeyed his father. The Hadees “The most hateful permissible action is divorce” is also weak and not authentic.
One thing I cannot understand that in Islam even unnecessary cutting a tree is considered a sin but there is no punishment for a man who emotionally breaks a woman by divorcing her without a reason it is not even considered a sin. Divorce was painful at that time too. At the time when Hazarat Ali (May Allah be pleased with him) wanted to marry Abu Jahal’s daughter Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) openly denounced that in public as it would have meant he had to divorce Hazarat Fatima (May Allah be pleased with her) and it would hurt her.
You have also mentioned that “Usually, women are emotionally-and not rationally- motivated. This is why asking for divorce by the wife -for no legitimate reason- is a sin”. This doesn’t make any sense to me. That means a poor man should be punished very harshly for theft as he is more likely to steal because of his poverty but rich man shouldn’t be punished for that at all as he is already rich and will probably not steal. Shouldn`t it be the other way round?
All praise be to Allah, and may His peace and blessings be on the greatest messenger, Muhammad.
My respected sister,
Try to look at the issues with impartiality, and you will find that what is legislated in Islam is the ultimate wisdom.
There is no doubt that men are dominant in the partnership of marriage. That is the nature of things. This is true throughout the ages, cultures and the strata of all societies.
Now, if you lock the man into this relationship with a woman he dislikes, who is the greater looser? The woman, for sure. Thus, the wisdom is to allow men to divorce their wives when they want, given they have a reason, and they are not doing it to merely harm their wives, but discourage them from this act. That is exactly what Allah legislated.
Concerning the hadeeth about divorce in which the Prophet said, "أَبْغَضُ الْحَلَالِ إلى اللَّهِ تَعَالَى الطَّلَاقُ." “The most detested act of those that are permissible is divorce.”
This hadeeth was reported by Abu Dawood and others. It is considered sound by some scholars and weak by others, but if it is weak, it is not the only one concerning the issue of divorce. The Prophet also said,
"إِنَّ إِبْلِيسَ يَضَعُ عَرْشَهُ على الْمَاءِ ثُمَّ يَبْعَثُ سَرَايَاهُ فَأَدْنَاهُمْ منه مَنْزِلَةً أَعْظَمُهُمْ فِتْنَةً يَجِيءُ أَحَدُهُمْ فيقول فَعَلْتُ كَذَا وَكَذَا فيقول ما صَنَعْتَ شيئا قال ثُمَّ يَجِيءُ أَحَدُهُمْ فيقول ما تَرَكْتُهُ حتى فَرَّقْتُ بَيْنَهُ وَبَيْنَ امْرَأَتِهِ قال فَيُدْنِيهِ منه وَيَقُولُ نَعْمَ أنت."
“Iblees (the devil) places his throne on water and dispatches his troops, and the closest of them to him is one who is greater in misguiding people. One of them comes and says, I have done so-and-so, and he (Iblees) says, you have not done much. Another one comes and says, I did not leave him until he divorced his wife, so he (Ibless) brings him closer and says, yes you are the one.” (Reported by Muslim, which is one of the two most authentic collections of the sunnah.”
Based on this and many other reports, many scholars, including the hanafis and some hanbalis chose that divorce is basically forbidden without a legitimate need, and here is what Imam Ibn Taymeah, the great Hanbali scholar said about it, “The basic principle concerning divorce is that it is forbidden, and it is only permitted as much as is necessary.” Majmoo’ al-Fatawa, 33/81.
Islam also allowed the woman to seek divorce if she is mistreated by the man, and even if she is not, yet she hates to live with him, it allowed her separation through khul’, which basically entails giving the man back his dower. (That should make perfect sense)
Has there been a religion, in the history, that was more fair and balanced than this great religion of ours?
As for your comment about emotions, it makes perfect sense that emotional people are restrained during their times of emotional outburst from harming themselves and their families. Islam did not prevent the woman from seeking a separation if she hates her husband or hates to live with him (even if she was not mistreated), but only made the process slightly longer to give her a chance to rethink her decision. If the woman is not mistreated by the man, does not hate him, and does not hate living with him, then it is not halal for her to ask for divorce. Most people would find no problem seeing the wisdom in this stance.
Concerning the wife’s options with her unfair husband, the nature of the two genders would make it impossible for the wife to “fix” her husband’s behavior except through exhortation. I do not know what other solutions there may be. It is impossible to hire an officer to oversee the relationship between each married couple and force the husband to treat his wife well. Islam forbade injustice, and there will be a punishment for the unjust in the hereafter. Nevertheless, in this life, there is no way to prosecute in the court of law every husband who will commit injustice towards his wife. What she may do in this case is to exhort him, to seek knowledgeable people to do that on her behalf, and/or to seek arbiters from the two families to judge between them, then if all means fail, she will either patient herself or, if she cannot, seek separation. If she was wrong done, she will earn a divorce and if she simply hates him but could not prove any wrong doing on his part, she will earn separation through khul’ as indicated here above.
Finally, I pray for me and you to see the wisdom in Allah’s legislations for us, and enjoy living in accordance with His word.
Allah knows best.
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