salaamu aleikoum shaykuna al fadhil,

What is the ruling of somebody who doesn’t have intercourse (sex) with his wife for a very long period, for example a year or two years. I heard somebody talking about six months but I doubt his claim because the imams who work abroad for example here in the netherlands my imam works here but his wife and kids are abroad so he sees then maximum one or two times a year? And off course old people who lose their shahwah also don’t have intercourse. Please clarify this concept for me in islam? salaam aleikoum

All praise be to Allah and may His blessings and peace be on His messenger, Muhammad,

This is a matter to be decided upon between the two spouses through mutual agreement. One cannot abandon his wife without her permission for more than four months, for Allah said,

“لِّلَّذِينَ يُؤْلُونَ مِن نِّسَائِهِمْ تَرَبُّصُ أَرْبَعَةِ أَشْهُرٍ فَإِن فَاءُوا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ…”

“For those who swear not to have sexual relations with their wives is a waiting time of four months, but if they return [to normal relations] – then indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.” [Sahih International, 2:226]

At the end of the fourth months, the Hanafis deem the marriage terminated, and the three other imams would have the judge terminate it.

While this verse addresses the specific case where one swears or vows to not have intercourse with his wife, the scholars extended it also to mean that one may not refrain from having intimacy with her for that period. Imam Ibn Taymiyyah mentioned that the other position, which he considered stronger, is that he should have intimacy with her as frequently as she needs, and he affords (physically). This is the position that is in agreement with the principles of Sharia and dictates of justice.

Omar asked his daughter about the period that a woman may tolerate away from her husband and she said five to six months. He ordered that people who are sent on expeditions return back to their families every six months. In al-Mughni, Ibn Qudamah reports from Ahmad that if a woman complains to the judge about the long absence of her husband, he must write to him to return (before the end of the six months), and if he refused without a valid excuse, he may give her divorce if she demands it.

However, if there is an agreement between the spouses, there is no enforceable limit to the period of separation or avoidance of sex. What is advisable though is to never make the period of separation more than six months without a valid excuse.

Allah knows best.